P34CH 34732: Updated to a more recent version

2007-04-12T07:56:25Z

Updated to a more recent version

Greentryst: port from uncyc, by bail and other(s)

2006-09-16T05:38:55Z

port from uncyc, by bail and other(s)

New page

The '''turtle''' is a [[reptile|reptilian]] [[animal]] with an armored [[shell]], an M1 [[helmet]], night-vision [[goggles]], an [[AK-47]] assault [[rifle]], a nasty disposition, and <strike>great sharp teeth</strike> a cute little [[tail]].

==Lots of Turtles==
There are [[billions and billions]] of species of turtles in the world, ranging in size from the [[genetic engineering|genetically engineered]] 90 nanometer Metal-Oxide-Semiconducting Field Effect Turtle of [[Japan]], to the thunderous fire-breathing 10,000 meter Turtlezilla, also of Japan. In fact, Japan is practically overrun with turtles of all sizes, because turtles play a vital role in the [[Shintō]] religion (which are sacrificed in great numbers to the Shintō [[god]] Turtlezilla in order to persuade him not to eat [[Tokyo]]).

==Natural Enemies==
Turtles, being some of nature's fiercest [[predators]], have few natural enemies. Of this small, elite group of cyborg animals, however, is the pirate [[bear]]. While most bears are docile creatures from the fish kingdom, [[pirate bears]] feed plentifully on the jewel encrusted turtles of the [[Mediterranean]]. These specific turtles provide the basic nutrients necessary to power a bear's [[warp core]].

==Lots of Even More Turtles==
In [[1973]], [[Stephen Hawking]] theorized that turtles play a major role in [[cosmology]]. His proposed model, "Turtles All the Way Down", combined an [[infinity|infinite]] stack of turtles with the principles of [[general relativity]]. Unfortunately, this [[theory]] had to be scrapped because it turned out to be totally inconsistent with godless [[evolution|evolutionism]] and the laws of [[quantum cheddardynamics]].

==Cooking with Turtles==
Turtles are the primary ingredient of Turtle Soup.

===Turtle Soup===
*4 quarts boiling [[water]]
*3 medium-sized [[potato|potatoes]] (diced)
*1 cup minced [[onion]]
*2 tablespoons [[olive oil]]
*1 teaspoon [[salt]]
*1 clove [[garlic]]
*1 pinch [[MSG|monosodium glutamate]]
*1 bay leaf
*1 large live turtle

Simmer for approximately 2 hours until the potatoes are moderately soft and the turtle stops screaming. Serves 4.

==See Also==
*[[Animal sacrifice]]
*[[Gravity]]
*[[Cooking]]

[[category:Animals]]
[[category:Astronomy]]
[[category:Food]]

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
-The '''turtle''' is a [[reptile|reptilian]] [[animal]] with an armored [[shell]], an M1 [[helmet]], night-vision [[goggles]], an [[AK-47]] assault [[rifle]], a nasty disposition, and <strike>great sharp teeth</strike> a cute little [[tail]].
+The '''turtle''' is an [[bisexual|amphibious]] [[animal]] with an armored [[tank|shell]], an M1 [[penis|helmet]], night-vision [[goggles]], an [[AK-47]] assault [[rifle]], a nasty disposition, and <strike>great sharp teeth</strike> a cute little [[tail]].
 ==Lots of Turtles==
-There are [[billions and billions]] of species of turtles in the world, ranging in size from the [[genetic engineering|genetically engineered]] 90 nanometer Metal-Oxide-Semiconducting Field Effect Turtle of [[Japan]], to the thunderous fire-breathing 10,000 meter Turtlezilla, also of Japan.  In fact, Japan is practically overrun with turtles of all sizes, because turtles play a vital role in the [[Shintō]] religion (which are sacrificed in great numbers to the Shintō [[god]] Turtlezilla in order to persuade him not to eat [[Tokyo]]).
+There are [[billions and billions]] of species of turtles in the world, ranging in size from the genetically engineered 90 nanometer Metal-Oxide-Semiconducting Field Effect Turtle of [[Japan]], to the thunderous fire-breathing 10,000 meter [[Godzilla|Turtlezilla]], also of Japan.  In fact, Japan is practically overrun with turtles of all sizes, because turtles play a vital role in the [[Shinto]] religion (which are sacrificed in great numbers to the Shinto [[god]] [[Godzilla|Turtlezilla]] in order to persuade him not to eat [[Tokyo]]).
 ==Natural Enemies==
-Turtles, being some of nature's fiercest [[predators]], have few natural enemies.  Of this small, elite group of cyborg animals, however, is the pirate [[bear]].  While most bears are docile creatures from the fish kingdom, [[pirate bears]] feed plentifully on the jewel encrusted turtles of the [[Mediterranean]].  These specific turtles provide the basic nutrients necessary to power a bear's [[warp core]].
+Turtles, being some of nature's fiercest [[humans|predators]], have few natural enemies.  Of this small, elite group of cyborg animals, however, is the pirate [[bear]] and of course [[cabbage]].  While most bears are docile creatures from the fish kingdom, pirate [[bears]] feed plentifully on the jewel encrusted turtles of the [[Mediterranean]].  These specific turtles provide the basic nutrients necessary to power a bear's [[boob|warp core]]. Human natural enemies are THE GUJU and this big green hotdog.
 ==Lots of Even More Turtles==
-In [[1973]], [[Stephen Hawking]] theorized that turtles play a major role in [[cosmology]].  His proposed model, "Turtles All the Way Down", combined an [[infinity|infinite]] stack of turtles with the principles of [[general relativity]].  Unfortunately, this [[theory]] had to be scrapped because it turned out to be totally inconsistent with godless [[evolution|evolutionism]] and the laws of [[quantum cheddardynamics]].
+*In [[1973]], [[Stephen Hawking]] theorized that turtles play a major role in cosmology.  His proposed model, "Turtles All the Way Down", combined an [[infinity|infinite]] stack of turtles with the principles of [[general relativity]].  Unfortunately, this [[theory]] had to be scrapped because it turned out to be totally inconsistent with godless [[evolution|evolutionism]] and the laws of [[quantum cheddardynamics]].
 ==Cooking with Turtles==
@@ Line 19: / Line 37: @@
 *2 tablespoons [[olive oil]]
 *1 teaspoon [[salt]]
-*1 clove [[garlic]]
+*1 clove [[garlic]] (carded)
 *1 pinch [[MSG|monosodium glutamate]]
 *1 bay leaf
 *1 large live turtle
-Simmer for approximately 2 hours until the potatoes are moderately soft and the turtle stops screaming.  Serves 4.
+The important thing is not to use the turtle, because if you use any part of the turtle its fellow turtles will find out and they will come for you in the night. Via your sock drawer.
 ==See Also==
 *[[Animal sacrifice]]
 *[[Gravity]]
 *[[Cooking]]
+*[[Turtle Washers anonymous]]
-[[category:Animals]]
+*[[User:Tompkins|Tompkins]]
-[[category:Astronomy]]
+[[category:Reptiles]]
 [[category:Food]]

User:Greentryst/Uncyc/Turtle - Revision history

P34CH 34732: Updated to a more recent version

Greentryst: port from uncyc, by bail and other(s)