~ Gabe Newell on what?
What was given to the first humans by BAILOPAN. The early humans rubbed it on their bodies for warmth. As humans evolved and split into two distinct races: the intelligent and the morbidly stupid, what split as well. The first type of what was used by the intelligent to confuse the morbidly stupid even more. The second type was used by the morbidly stupid as a form of communication, somewhat like a grunt.
BAILOPAN saw that for true intelligent expansion, humans needed other questions such as how and where. He created them and gave them to the morbidly stupid. The morbidly stupid took the new questions and hit each other with them. BAILOPAN laughed and force lightning'd the poor fools. As a joke he showed his true form while utterly destroying them. They proclaimed him the devil and formed 17 distinct religions around him.
What managed to get some alone time with how and where. From this holy union came the word whereforewhatthefuck...and porn. Greentryst saw the porn (over BAILOPAN's shoulder) and declared that the world was good.